


you'll have to watch me struggle (from several rooms away)

by destieltrash (orphan_account)



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Depression, F/M, I'll update tags as I go, M/M, Unrequited Love, josh is in love and tyler hates himself, so the usual
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-13 21:04:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5717035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/destieltrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The groom is the love of the best man's life, and the best man gets drunk when he's sad, and the best man calls the groom when he's drunk. </p><p>And, well, it's all downhill from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> take that mason

It had been a beautiful ceremony. 

Romantic, warm, and so very Tyler and Jenna. Happy. 

As best man, Josh should've been going to bed with a light heart. 

As best man who was in love with the groom, Josh was curled around a half empty bottle of disgustingly strong alcohol, eyes fixed unseeing on the television. 

He couldn't believe his own selfishness. The happiest day of his best friend's life, and he couldn't find it in himself to be happy for him. 

Josh realized the episode of whatever had been on had ended, and somewhere along the line he'd finished the bottle. 

He dragged himself off the couch, sending the remote clattering to the floor as he did so. He disregarded it. 

Josh was in love with Tyler. So fucking in love. Tyler was beautiful, his mind wider than the universe and twice as enchanting.

How pathetic was Josh? Very. But shit, Tyler made him forget even his own self loathing. 

Josh missed Tyler all the time, even when they were together. 

Now, especially, he was missing Tyler. 

Somewhere in Josh's alcohol sodden brain, something clicked. 

He fished his phone out of his pocket, and the action was too much for his pitiful balance as he walked, so he tripped and fell. Lying on the ground, he called Tyler. 

"Josh?" Tyler's voice was surprised, but not displeased. "Dude, being married is awesome. She went to get Taco Bell for me before-"

"Tyler! Tyler Tyler Tyler," Josh slurred, a grin on his face. He liked the way Tyler's name sounded. 

Tyler was silent for a moment. "Josh, are you drunk?"

"Um. Yeah." Josh wondered if Tyler was disappointed, but barreled on anyway. "Man, I miss you."

"We saw each other five hours ago, dude." Tyler sounded like he didn't want to keep talking, and Josh couldn't stand that.

"Yeah, but, like. I really miss you. All the time."

"Look, man, if Jenna comes home and finds me on the phone on our wedding night she's gonna-"

"You're beautiful, did you know that?" Josh shouted. "Yeah. You- you're beautiful. I wanna paint you on the moon so everyone knows how beautiful you are."

"Josh-"

"And also, I'm completely in love with you," Josh blurted. "And I hate that I'm sad on the happiest day of your life. I'm sorry." Josh hiccuped and realized he was crying. 

Josh sobbed quietly into the phone, Tyler quiet for almost five minutes.

"Josh," Tyler said gently. "Listen to me, okay? Stop crying, please."

Josh obeyed. It was supposed to be a secret, but Josh would gouge out his own eyes if Tyler asked him to. It wasn't a secret anymore, Josh guessed. 

"I want you change into pajamas and drink some water, all right? No more booze. Then go to bed. Sleep this off." Tyler's voice was unbearably soft. 

"O-okay," Josh hiccuped. "Good night, Ty."

"Night, Jish." Josh could hear Tyler's smile, and the tension left his entire body thinking about it.

Tyler hung up. 

Josh was still lying on the floor. He would've happily slept there, but he knew he needed to listen to Tyler. Tyler was smart. And knew Josh better than Josh knew himself. 

Josh forced himself off the floor, changed into flannel pajama pants, and washed the taste of alcohol out of his mouth. He tripped into his room and fell onto the bed, falling asleep instantly. He didn't wake up for fifteen hours. 

And the next morning, he didn't remember the night before at all.


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter's a bit rocky, sorry about that. hope you enjoy!

Tyler was very, very good at lying. 

You wouldn't think being miserable would make you a good liar, but it does. 

People generally blamed themselves upon realization of the lie, which Tyler thought was ridiculous, because it wasn't their fault and Tyler was the fucked up one anyway. In any case, it had taught Tyler how to lie well.

Fuck Screen. Tyler could do this. 

Jenna came home from Taco Bell in record time, smiling when she saw him in bed with the covers pulled up. 

"Have you moved at all?"

"No," Tyler said into the pillow. "I missed you."

Jenna plopped the bag onto the bedside table. "I should divorce you, making me go get you Taco Bell."

Tyler surfaced and grinned at her. "We're married," he said. 

Jenna laughed. "Yeah, we are. Finally." She crawled under the covers with him. 

"Mm, you smell like Taco Bell," Tyler mumbled, wrapping his arms around her. 

"Freak," Jenna said good naturedly, curling against him. She looked up at him, eyes sparkling with happiness. 

Tyler, abruptly, realized how stupid he'd been. That was exactly the way Josh looked at him. It hit him like a punch in the stomach. How obvious it had been, how oblivious and selfish Tyler had been for not realizing. 

"You okay?" Tyler blinked and looked down at her. She looked concerned. 

"Fine," Tyler told her, kissing her forehead. "Just happy."

"Good." Jenna wriggled out of his embrace. "Now get me out of these clothes. I want you thinking of nothing except me tonight."

Tyler, for the sake of the lie, put Josh away from his mind for the rest of the night. 

 

Josh didn't call Tyler the next day. 

Or the next day.

Or the day after that. 

Tyler texted him occasionally, just hi and things like that. Josh never answered. 

On the fourth day, Tyler was staring at his phone, wondering if he should text Josh again. Obviously, this was his fault, and he needed to do whatever he could to fix it. He wondered how it was possible that Josh had been struggling and Tyler hadn't noticed. He hadn't noticed. What the hell kind of best friend was he?

On that note, what the hell kind of husband was he? Tyler had only been doing that for less than a week, and he was spending all his time thinking about Josh. Jenna deserved his full, undivided attention. 

Hell, she deserved better than him. 

Tyler cut off his train of thought before it veered into 'better off dead' territory. 

 

"Dude! Haven't seen you in forever!"

Josh's voice was happy, lighthearted. Tyler almost flinched at the sound. 

"You need to know I'm sorry," Tyler said quietly.

Josh's face fell. "What?" he asked. "What happened?"

Tyler stared at him. "So are we just going to ignore it?"

"Ignore what?" asked Josh, brows drawn together in confusion. It took Tyler another moment to realize Josh truly had no idea what he was talking about. How could that be?

Drunk. Josh had been drunk. He'd probably blacked out. 

Tyler relaxed slightly and shrugged. "We just haven't seen each other in a while."

Josh stared at him and snorted. "Drama queen. I thought you were dying or something."

Tyler cracked a grin and didn't let himself think I wish. "Nah."

"So." Josh leaned forward, eyes narrowed in concentration. "How's married life?"

Tyler looked at Josh. His stomach began to ache, seeing Josh's bright eyes and remembering what he had sounded like drunk and crying on the phone. A heavy, familiar weight settled on his chest. 

And rather than tell Josh about the guilt that kept him awake, Tyler did what he did best. He lied. 

 

Tyler had been sitting in his basement for ten hours. Honesty was for music, for lyrics, for crowds of hundreds. Not the two people he loved most. 

"Tyler? You hungry?" Jenna called down the stairs. 

Tyler was going to answer, but a lyric occurred to him and he had to write it down. He forgot to reply, scribbling away in his notebook.

"Tyler?" Jenna came downstairs. "Baby, you've been in here all day. Are you okay?" She'd known him long enough to know that when he went hours forgetting to eat or drink because he was writing, it meant he was probably spending his nights wishing he wouldn't wake up. 

"I'm fine, Jen," Tyler told her, fidgeting with his pen. 

Jenna still seemed worried, but she appeared to let it go. "All right. You hungry?"

"Nah," Tyler said, already turning back to his piano. He could feel Jenna's eyes on the back of his head. He heard her walk upstairs and close the door. 

He already felt bad. 

A shitty husband, a shitty friend. Why did anyone keep him around?

He put his pen to the paper, but couldn't think of anything anymore. He spent hours thinking, banging his piano, strumming his ukulele, but nothing came to him. 

What a tragedy it is, when a suicidal writer puts a pen to the page and finds there's nothing to say, Tyler thought absently. 

Maybe the words would look better in bright red on his skin.

Tyler forced the thought out. It had been months, and that was thanks to Josh and Jenna. He owed it to them to stay okay. 

He also owed it to them to be good to them, and how he was failing so miserably at that, he had no idea.


End file.
